life as I know it

some days are better then others. Thats a given. but every once in a while I have something to look forward to. Then, like almost everything else in my life, it’s ripped out from under me and taken away. Getting darker. Closing in on the day I will never be here again. Noo one but me really understands the feeling of knowing that there was a time when there would of been no way to live to 25. of course there are people who don’t WANT to live to see this age. I never actually thought there was a way to NOT see this age. I had plans. None of them have actually come true. My love left me for her best friend. My parents and dr drugged me because of my anger problem and I missed the whole of the last semester in college. Im broken. Everything about me sucks. Only thing I can really give to this world I cant really do any more because I am so out of the loop I look like a fool.  Every once in a while I feel like something is going right. Then Im corrected. Nothing is ever good. Im not good. When I get into wanting to be normal like someone else, everything goes right. I feel happy. Then I fall.Back into the nothingness that is my life. I realize that there is nothing that is going to help me get back up. I think there is. I try so hard. But in the end I am still on the ground. Feeling my way in the dark. Hoping someone is going to come save me. But it never happens……….